unwrapped essence of life

So I am off the college in a few months so what now? What do I do? Go for these “dreams” I have knowing they will not be what I expect? Or do I just dwell in my sorrow? I’m honestly scared. To be on my own, I have to take charge for everything. It is only me here for me. As the few months pass I’ll keep it nonchalant, not really caring for anything or anyone really. Why should I? Why should I care for those who do not care for me? Why should tell that one girl I am infatuated with her even though I do not know the concept of love. Love… It is the tool that drives me insane. It is a four letter word that can cause tranquility or destruction. I dearly want it, want it from the person that is my other half, the one I truly want out of billions of people on this retched Earth. I should tell her, just for the hell of it, just to let her know how I feel deep down, and yet want her to be happy even though it is not with me. That is one thing about being an adult, thinking about others and excepting things for what they are when you know nothing will change. My mind is once again unhappy and a mess, it wants closer and tranquility that it has been deprived of for years.

22nd April 2012

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